When I fuck up, I own my mistakes. I'm human—fucking up is part of the job. But I do everything I can to make sure I don't do it again... and it sucks that a lot of people don't bother going that far.
[ he trails off a little, his replacement eye's glow a little more pronounced in the dim lighting of the library. but the dissonance between his eyes fades away again as he turns his head toward her with a grin. ]
I try not to be that kinda person, so I appreciate that it's been working out for you, too.
It's okay not to know. You're young—you've got plenty of time to figure things out. I only have as much of an idea about myself as I do because I've had more time to think about it, and a lot of help along the way.
... Like I told you back in the sim room, when I was fighting against my memory of Kiryu-san... if it hadn't been for him stopping me from going down a dark path a couple years ago, who knows. I sure as hell don't. I just know that I wouldn't know who I'd be now.
All you gotta do is keep going. Keep going so you can see who you'll become tomorrow, and the day after, and everything after that.
I know. [her voice is a little like, tight - she's not crying but it sounds like she's maybe holding it back.]
... All I've wanted for years is to be free. To wake up in the morning and know that I could make whatever choices I wanted. It took... it took something drastic for me to try to claw my to something I could call my own. I was willing to do anything for it. I still am.
[a beat, and she finally just looks down.]
... I couldn't vote for someone who wanted to live on her own terms so badly that she was willing to take her own life to seize control.
[it hit really close to home, her friendships aside.]
. . . Did you vote for Brad too, then? 'Cause I was the exact same.
I couldn't just sit by to watch her kill herself, of course, but... I respected how far she was willing to go to fight for that right. Because you're right. We should all have that freedom.
... [ gently takes her hand, properly this time, unlike me not realizing all of hers were occupied earlier and she doesn't have an aki number of hands to hold ]
As long as you have something that drives you, that keeps you going... you can come back from anything. I believe in you, Necchan. Someone who's given up doesn't say stuff like you just did, heh.
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[ he trails off a little, his replacement eye's glow a little more pronounced in the dim lighting of the library. but the dissonance between his eyes fades away again as he turns his head toward her with a grin. ]
I try not to be that kinda person, so I appreciate that it's been working out for you, too.
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I don't know what kind of person I am, Ichiban. I'm glad you seem to know.
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... Like I told you back in the sim room, when I was fighting against my memory of Kiryu-san... if it hadn't been for him stopping me from going down a dark path a couple years ago, who knows. I sure as hell don't. I just know that I wouldn't know who I'd be now.
All you gotta do is keep going. Keep going so you can see who you'll become tomorrow, and the day after, and everything after that.
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The dawn is always coming. [she agrees, exhaustedly. just. a long pause, and she rubs at her face a little.]
I've just been going for a long time. I'd like a second to breathe.
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... All I've wanted for years is to be free. To wake up in the morning and know that I could make whatever choices I wanted. It took... it took something drastic for me to try to claw my to something I could call my own. I was willing to do anything for it. I still am.
[a beat, and she finally just looks down.]
... I couldn't vote for someone who wanted to live on her own terms so badly that she was willing to take her own life to seize control.
[it hit really close to home, her friendships aside.]
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I couldn't just sit by to watch her kill herself, of course, but... I respected how far she was willing to go to fight for that right. Because you're right. We should all have that freedom.
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She's a brave woman. She never asks for anything. But I couldn't give her that.
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she lets him take her hand, though, and looks back up at the stars, with that same sort of exhaustion.]
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As long as you have something that drives you, that keeps you going... you can come back from anything. I believe in you, Necchan. Someone who's given up doesn't say stuff like you just did, heh.
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I know. Thank you. [but she doesn't say anything else, just looks up at the stars with a distant look.]