[ when tomi drops that last line, ichiban's voice catches in his throat. without even consciously doing it, he lifts his hand to hold it over his chest, almost as if to remind himself that his own heart is back in his chest now. ]
Fuck, Tomi— I'm sorry. You of all people shouldn't have to...
[ "shouldn't have to experience this extremely specific trauma three times over" is what he wants to say, of course, but he doesn't want to actually speak it into the forefronts of their minds. the vibes are already rancid as is. ]
[ he shouldn't have to, but it's too late now. it's not necessarily desensitization, but suffering such specific and extreme trauma every couple of weeks has completely punched through his anxiety and depression to the point that he really is just too exhausted to be upset about it anymore. and he is upset, but the only way to preserve the last remaining bit of his sanity is to shut down everything outside of what he needs to baseline function. ]
I'm so sick and tired of putting up with this bullshit.
[ his shoulders sag as he lets his head fall back, his hair cushioning the thunk that would typically result from such an impact. for someone who usually serves as a rare spark of optimism despite it all, who believes in the inherent goodness present in even the most deplorable of people and places... ]
It's wearin' on me, too.
[ ...even ichiban's light seems somewhat dimmed thanks to these past few weeks. ]
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Fuck, Tomi— I'm sorry. You of all people shouldn't have to...
[ "shouldn't have to experience this extremely specific trauma three times over" is what he wants to say, of course, but he doesn't want to actually speak it into the forefronts of their minds. the vibes are already rancid as is. ]
no subject
I'm so sick and tired of putting up with this bullshit.
no subject
[ his shoulders sag as he lets his head fall back, his hair cushioning the thunk that would typically result from such an impact. for someone who usually serves as a rare spark of optimism despite it all, who believes in the inherent goodness present in even the most deplorable of people and places... ]
It's wearin' on me, too.
[ ...even ichiban's light seems somewhat dimmed thanks to these past few weeks. ]