she's not looking at anything in particular, just standing in silence. she's a very sad person - throné is kind of just a heavy presence in general, somber and dark. but even she has limits on how much grief she can feasibly carry, and she's kind of just slowly dragging herself to that line, bit by bit.
when he leans on her, she glances up at him, and then back at the stars.]
... You're very noisy. [she says, like it's meant to be teasing, but she can't manage a whole lot of emotion in her tone.]
[ it's okay, he gets the gist of what she's trying to impart, because he answers her with a quiet laugh. the lean turns into a little bit of a nudge before he settles again, crossing his arms. ]
Hey, I know better than to try and sneak up on you even on a good day, Necchan. No way in hell I'm doing that right now. [ ... ] I know I do a lot of dumb stuff, but I'm not stupid—you've gotta at least gimme some credit.
[that's genuine, though. she means that. she's not really sure she could handle being snuck up on tonight so the fact that he didn't bother being quiet was nice. she heard his footsteps and assigned them as safe - she knows she doesn't have to worry when he comes up behind her.]
When I fuck up, I own my mistakes. I'm human—fucking up is part of the job. But I do everything I can to make sure I don't do it again... and it sucks that a lot of people don't bother going that far.
[ he trails off a little, his replacement eye's glow a little more pronounced in the dim lighting of the library. but the dissonance between his eyes fades away again as he turns his head toward her with a grin. ]
I try not to be that kinda person, so I appreciate that it's been working out for you, too.
It's okay not to know. You're young—you've got plenty of time to figure things out. I only have as much of an idea about myself as I do because I've had more time to think about it, and a lot of help along the way.
... Like I told you back in the sim room, when I was fighting against my memory of Kiryu-san... if it hadn't been for him stopping me from going down a dark path a couple years ago, who knows. I sure as hell don't. I just know that I wouldn't know who I'd be now.
All you gotta do is keep going. Keep going so you can see who you'll become tomorrow, and the day after, and everything after that.
I know. [her voice is a little like, tight - she's not crying but it sounds like she's maybe holding it back.]
... All I've wanted for years is to be free. To wake up in the morning and know that I could make whatever choices I wanted. It took... it took something drastic for me to try to claw my to something I could call my own. I was willing to do anything for it. I still am.
[a beat, and she finally just looks down.]
... I couldn't vote for someone who wanted to live on her own terms so badly that she was willing to take her own life to seize control.
[it hit really close to home, her friendships aside.]
. . . Did you vote for Brad too, then? 'Cause I was the exact same.
I couldn't just sit by to watch her kill herself, of course, but... I respected how far she was willing to go to fight for that right. Because you're right. We should all have that freedom.
... [ gently takes her hand, properly this time, unlike me not realizing all of hers were occupied earlier and she doesn't have an aki number of hands to hold ]
As long as you have something that drives you, that keeps you going... you can come back from anything. I believe in you, Necchan. Someone who's given up doesn't say stuff like you just did, heh.
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she's not looking at anything in particular, just standing in silence. she's a very sad person - throné is kind of just a heavy presence in general, somber and dark. but even she has limits on how much grief she can feasibly carry, and she's kind of just slowly dragging herself to that line, bit by bit.
when he leans on her, she glances up at him, and then back at the stars.]
... You're very noisy. [she says, like it's meant to be teasing, but she can't manage a whole lot of emotion in her tone.]
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Hey, I know better than to try and sneak up on you even on a good day, Necchan. No way in hell I'm doing that right now. [ ... ] I know I do a lot of dumb stuff, but I'm not stupid—you've gotta at least gimme some credit.
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[that's genuine, though. she means that. she's not really sure she could handle being snuck up on tonight so the fact that he didn't bother being quiet was nice. she heard his footsteps and assigned them as safe - she knows she doesn't have to worry when he comes up behind her.]
You're not stupid.
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[ he trails off a little, his replacement eye's glow a little more pronounced in the dim lighting of the library. but the dissonance between his eyes fades away again as he turns his head toward her with a grin. ]
I try not to be that kinda person, so I appreciate that it's been working out for you, too.
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I don't know what kind of person I am, Ichiban. I'm glad you seem to know.
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... Like I told you back in the sim room, when I was fighting against my memory of Kiryu-san... if it hadn't been for him stopping me from going down a dark path a couple years ago, who knows. I sure as hell don't. I just know that I wouldn't know who I'd be now.
All you gotta do is keep going. Keep going so you can see who you'll become tomorrow, and the day after, and everything after that.
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The dawn is always coming. [she agrees, exhaustedly. just. a long pause, and she rubs at her face a little.]
I've just been going for a long time. I'd like a second to breathe.
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... All I've wanted for years is to be free. To wake up in the morning and know that I could make whatever choices I wanted. It took... it took something drastic for me to try to claw my to something I could call my own. I was willing to do anything for it. I still am.
[a beat, and she finally just looks down.]
... I couldn't vote for someone who wanted to live on her own terms so badly that she was willing to take her own life to seize control.
[it hit really close to home, her friendships aside.]
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I couldn't just sit by to watch her kill herself, of course, but... I respected how far she was willing to go to fight for that right. Because you're right. We should all have that freedom.
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She's a brave woman. She never asks for anything. But I couldn't give her that.
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she lets him take her hand, though, and looks back up at the stars, with that same sort of exhaustion.]
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As long as you have something that drives you, that keeps you going... you can come back from anything. I believe in you, Necchan. Someone who's given up doesn't say stuff like you just did, heh.
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I know. Thank you. [but she doesn't say anything else, just looks up at the stars with a distant look.]